Look, here at Fansubbing we're all about the long term. As a valued reader, we want you to see a good return on your investment. That's why today we're telling you to divest in Girlfriends and invest in Datadog Inc.
Datadog just posted tremendous results — their revenue is up 68% year-over-year and high paying customers are up 71% from last year1. They beat most expectations, and have a better forecast for full-year revenue than analysts were expecting2. Naturally, their stock immediately tanked after announcing these results. Here at Fansubbing, we love to gamble (see our Season to Taste articles) and Datadog is our latest bet.
Why is $DDOG better than renting girlfriends? Equity is forever, girlfriends are just rentals. The concept is similar to home ownership; why rent when you can buy? Girlfriends are like black holes, and any money you invest into them you should realistically never expect to see again.
It is inevitable that investing in Girlfriends leads to monetary loss. Let's imagine a different universe though; what if Kazuya wasn't such a simp and had instead invested in his future by buying into $DDOG?
The Fansubbing staff has continued to watch Rent-A-Girlfriend despite initially being unsure about the show. We've been watching it as a group which is a much better environment - there's something about collective suffering that makes the show more bearable. So trust us when we say it's factual that Kazuya would be better served investing in Datadog than he is investing in Chizuru.
If you have been convinced and want to raw-$DDOG it, we recommend using Cash App for stock trading due to its simple interface and zero brokerage fees. It's definitely the Alpha option in the investment pack.
Disclaimer: The majority of Fansubbing staff (myself included) do in fact own $DDOG and this is not actual investing advice. The piece is intended to be entirely satirical.